Women's Night Session 2

"You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride, you have ravished my heart with one glance of your eye..." Song of Songs 4:9 I think that this verse captures in a powerful way what a lot of women want when it comes to the way that they look. Sometimes, we just want to walk into a room and have heads turn and people thinking about how beautiful we are. I can remember once in grade school going to a class bowling party. I walked in the room, and Michael Jeffferson (whom I had a crush on at the time) gave me this look of repulsion. It was a horrifying moment. Now, at the time, I had just begun experimenting with make-up, so there is a real chance that the way I looked actually merited his reaction. Regardless, I went straight to the bathroom to talk with other girls about how I looked like crap. Unfortunately, we had all brought make-up with us, just in case we needed to touch up. I probably walked out of the bathroom looking worse than I did going in. Fast forward a few months and I was on my way to a surprise birthday party for one of the boys in my class. Everyone was gathered in the basement, and I knew I had to walk down the stairs with all of the judging eyes on me. I took a deep breath before beginning the journey. When I got down there, everyone was normal. I was so relieved that I had avoided another bowling-alley incident. I wore that exact same outfit (the one that met the approval of my peers) as much as possible. (Side Note: as for the bowling alley outfit...I never wore any part of it again). A lot of times, young (and old) women try to make themselves look a certain way in order to get attention. They use their looks as a means of filling the need to know that they are desired by the opposite sex. This is how the world tells us to make ourselves beautiful. In a survey done by Dove, it was found that only 2% of women would describe themselves as beautiful. The most intriguing part of this is that those results come from a time when beauty can be bought. Even the celebrities who "have it" by the world's standards aren't satisfied with their appearance. We live in a world that gives us a false standard for beauty, and then tells us to chase that image for our own sake. The reality, however, is that even those who meet that standard do not find happiness for themselves.

Modern feminism has done its job well, reminding us that we shouldn't seek the approval of the opposite sex, convincing us that everything we do should be only for ourselves and no one else. So, presumably, we wear slinky thongs and super-push-up bras not because they makes us attractive to men, but because they make us feel good about ourselves. We spend hours at the mall snatching up the latest sexy trends because we are "comfortable" enough with our bodies to carelessly showcase them to the world... We obey the tyranny of pop culture under the guise that we are free to do whatever we want, whatever makes us feel good. As modern young women, we have deluded ourselves into thinking we are empowered, but in reality we couldn't be more ensnared. We convince ourselves that we are making our own decisions, that we are listening to our own voice, but in truth we are like putty in the hands of the culture's warped agenda. Young women today are supposed to be the most liberated, independent, confident, and fulfilled of any in history. But we are a desperate, lonely, (and) insecure ... lot - plagued by eating disorders, abusive relationships, emotional breakdowns, and sexual chaos. We've been looking for beauty in the wrong place. And our incessant search for beauty has stripped us of all that is truly beautiful. (Set-Apart Femininity, Pg 11-12)"

So, if today's culture has left us facing the opposite direction of true beauty, what is truly beautiful? "Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30 True, lasting beauty is supernatural; it comes from God.

The Beauty that comes from loving and serving God with a happy heart is a beauty that endures even when your figure has fallen south and wrinkles adorn your face. True beauty doesn't come from fresh makeup, the latest hairstyle, or how you look in your blue jeans. Rather, it radiates from the inside out, from a heart that delights in the Lord (Every Young Woman's Battle, 54)."

Pursuing beauty is not a bad thing; in fact, it is important! However, it order to properly seek and find beauty, we have to keep in mind it's purpose. All beauty comes from God. "All of us, gazing with unveiled face on the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, as from the Lord who is the Spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18) Beauty is God's gift to us, meant to bring glory to Him. Our beauty is meant to draw others closer to God, not to draw attention to us. We are created in the image of God. We are created beautiful. But as with all of God's creation, that beauty is best seen when it allows God's greatness and glory to be seen. The most beautiful women that I know absolutely radiate God's love. They are beautiful because their holiness allows their beauty to unveil the beauty of God. I don't mean to belittle the problem. The voice of the world is loud, and people all around us are buying in, surrendering to its disillusioned standards. But look at the holy young women around you. Look at those women (young and old) that are walking beside you in Truth. When you look around, do you see ugly? I don't. I see pure, holy beauty. I'm not saying that you have to pretend to love what you see in the mirror. I could list things I see that I don't love. The point is this, we cannot allow ourselves to be distracted by what we see. One of the best lessons I learned from the Harry Potter books is this, in order to win the battles within us, we have to decide that there is something more important to focus on. Harry struggles through 3 books to stay out of Voldemort's mind. He does not succeed until his life depends on it. He cannot win the battle until there is something he acknowledges as more important. God has a great purpose for each of us as individuals. What it all comes down to is this, we can either focus on trying to build up ourselves, chasing the vanity of the world, or we can focus on building up His Kingdom. I'll close with this thought from Every Young Woman's Battle (Pg. 60). "Do you want to spend your life looking into mirrors, distracted by your own reflection and how your looks compare to others, or do you want to invest your life looking beyond yourself and into a world of people who need to experience the love of God through you?"

It's Been Far too Long

I have no idea what this post is going to end up being about. All I really know is that it has been far too long since my last post. The total of drafts I've begun and have yet to complete is now up to three. This is highly unusually; I normally don't stop writing in the middle of a train of thought. Who knows when they will be posted. Steubenville was a wonderful experience as always. God and I had many good moments in which He stretched my capacity to love and be loved. I had to deny myself many times in order to make progress in prayers. The topic for the largest portion of my prayer was intimacy. I'm hard pressed to find a word that is more terrifying to me. I'm begun to read more about the mass. I'm finally getting around to some of the books I purchased during the school year. There is one thing about me and the mass that I know for certain: I do not know enough about the mass. Nor do I enter into with the proper disposition. I'm hoping that will begin to change as make more room for God's grace to reach me. I'm really not sure what will be coming next. It will either be a post on grace, beauty, Edwina, prayer, or something entirely unrelated to any of those four...

A New Rule

Starting today, I'm imposing upon myself a new rule. I'm admitting right off that it isn't brilliant, and it may not survive the weekend. I'm attempting it anyway. I must now earn the right to eat unhealthy foods. If I want to go out for ice cream, I have to exercise first. If I want to have beer before I go bed, I have to have gone for a walk after dinner. I'm considering do a similar thing with computer/T.V./video game time (I probably should not have put the nintendo in my room). I could earn that by equivalent reading time or prayer time. I'll let you know how it goes.

From Elizabeth...

Read her article here. She writes beautifully, telling the story of Jennifer who is courageously (and publicly) living the call of every Christian. "I believe enduring love is primarily a commitment and an act of will..."

Women's Night Session 1

When I read the the story of the creation of Eve, I cannot help but believe that God created her with a beautiful vision for femininity. She was created to reveal to the world something about God and His love that Adam could not reveal. God has planted that vision, His original intent for woman, in the deepest desires of the female heart. As little girls, I think we think we get that. When I think back to when I was a child and I look at little girls today, I see a hope in the greatness of that vision. Little girls have big dreams. And they are dreams of deep love, true compassion, and fairly tale beauty. The desire for those dreams (the dreams God intended woman to have) are alive in the hearts and hopes of little girls. Then I look at my peers or I look at teenagers, I don't see the same hope and joy in the eyes of these young women. Young women today are broken and hurt. They seem to have no more hope in the vision God gave them as little girls. So the question is, what happened? It's tempting to say that as little girls, we were too idealistic. And that as we have grown older and become young women, we now have a stronger grasp of reality. It's tempting because it makes us feel better, and it doesn't challenge us to change. But it ignores the truth of the matter. We have to acknowledge that the desires of the female heart are God-given desires. He created us to long to be loved. He created us for the happiness and beauty of fairy tales. As young girls, we relish in that fact. But somewhere between little girl and young woman, it starts to scared us. The part of the story that people like to leave out is that part that shows us the purpose for these desires. They are meant, first and foremost, to draw us deeper and deeper into the love of God. There is no human being on this earth, there is nothing in this world that can completely satisfy us. We were created to find our fulfillment in God. The world around us tells us that we have to find a way to fulfill ourselves, and we begin to worry that we won't ever have our desires met. So somewhere between 3 and 13, we start putting on a little more make-up; we learn how to flirt; we put others down to try and make ourselves feel better; we strive to keep up with the images the media feeds us; we watch romantic movies, hoping to catch a glimpse of the dream we once hoped in; and we begin to give pieces of ourselves, emotionally, mentally, and physically to guys and to the world. The sad part is, we are shattering our dreams. And we don't even realize it. In this process, we get hurt. We become even more afraid of the Truth, because now the Truth isn't just that we need God. Now, the Truth is also that we are broken. That we've been hurt. That we've been pursuing satisfaction in all the wrong places. We don't want to admit how broken we really are. In John 8: 31-32, Jesus tells us that we can be His disciples. He tells us that the Truth will set us free. The brokenness that surrounds us, that traps and stifles modern femininity doesn't have to be the reality of our lives. God's intent when He created Eve is still His intention today. Even though we have lost sight of the vision, God hasn't. Through all of the complexities of the female heart, through the emotional messes, and through the broken dreams, God's perfect vision for woman remains. The first step to embracing that vision, is to live in the truth about what we have made it.

Why does this have to be so hard?

Last night at CONNECT, we were discussing our world today and the difficulties involved in living as God calls us to live. I remembered a time when I was teaching about the garden of Eden to a fourth grade CCD class. One of my students ask, "If God didn't want them to eat from the tree of knowledge, why did He plant it in the first place?" After recovering from the shock of a ten year old asking a question that was at once simple and incredibly deep, we talked about how without the possibility of disobedience, there could not be obedience. Without the opportunity to disobey, we would not really be obeying. Without the opportunity to not love God, we cannot actually love Him; it wouldn't be love. I think the same is true in terms of the struggle to live as God calls us to live. Without the struggle, living that way wouldn't be real. It isn't just that the struggle makes it more meaningful, the struggle makes it possible. It seems that the more it costs us to live as God calls us to live, the greater our capacity to live in accordance with His will. What we choose not to do, is just as important as we choose to do.

Corpus Christi Confusion

I know this is a week late, but I left for Project Life last week without making time to blog about this. Last Sunday as I was sitting at mass reflecting on Christ's sacrifice, I began to feel repulsion at the whole idea. I was mentally comparing Christ's sacrifice with the animal sacrifices of the Old Testament. In those sacrifices, the priest would hold on to the head of the animal in a ritual that was supposed to transfer his sins to the animal. Thus, when the animal was sacrificed, payment for those sins was made. In the same way, Christ takes our sins upon Himself, and He is slaughtered in the same bloody mess as the animals of the Old Testament. It was at this point that my reflection became a bit too much for my comfort level. The vast humiliation that Christ's suffering includes is not something I would want for anyone, much less the Love of My Life, my Savior and King. I didn't want the cross. I didn't want the Eucharist. I knew that without those things there could be no salvation, but how could I let Christ suffer in my place? How could I let the cross be my fault? Last Sunday, I learned something new about love. My capacity to be loved by God increased, because I gained a greater understanding of just how minuscule my understanding of love is. For reasons far beyond what I can comprehend, God sent His Son to freely choose to die for me. Through the paradox of the cross, the glory in the humiliation, somehow salvation is offered to me, and I become the recipient of a Love that is more glorious and true than any other love. It is truly amazing.

They aren't mine.

And this isn't about me. The children that I hope for, dream about, and beg God for, they aren't mine. They aren't about my plan. They are God's creation. He creates them with a specific purpose in mind. I have no rights to them. They come with no guaranteed time frame. And they aren't about me; they're about salvation: mine and theirs and everyone else's God's Divine Plan wills. "These children (are) made in His image, co-created in our love, born in my pain, all living here in our home." -Suzanne, Mother of 6 While they may be beautiful additions to my family, they are primarily beautiful additions to God's.

Gone Fishing...

...week long service retreat, here I come!

I Love....

....being a girl. It's true. I've complained from time to time about the whole "that time of the month thing," and I've whined a bit about how sometimes guys seem to have it easier as far as meeting social standards is concerned, but all in all, I love being a girl, and I wouldn't want it any other way. There is some that is captivatingly beautiful about God's intention for femininity. Although I'm quite sure that I have only barely begun to understand His breath-taking vision, I feel truly blessed to be able to embrace what I do understand. It's true that it is not always easy. For one thing, hormones and emotions can cause rather large disturbances in deliberately rational action. However, the gentle and feminine actions that are the result of a battle with said emotions is worth the fight. There really is something special about the feminine heart. While I am passionately opposed to the selfish pursuit of codling the feminine heart for the sake of making oneself "feel better," I do think that the way God has designed our hearts teaches us a lot about that beautiful vision of His. Somewhere, there is a balance between nurturing femininity and denying self...I believe that in that balance (in the midst of properly ordered emotions) lies God's sacred call of femininity to every woman.