Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Ever since I began taking an active role in growing in my faith life, I've always had one stipulation with God. (Actually, along the way I have had countless ridiculous stipulations with God, this is the most long-standing and the most recent to be shattered.) I have always said that no matter how much I grow, how holy I become, I just want to be normal. I do not want people to look at me and see someone weird. I want to give everything to God, but I do not want to stand out. This has been especially true when I think about the possibility of getting married and having kids. I want my family to be devoted Catholics, but I also want my kids to avoid being accused of doing/thinking/saying/believing weird things. Recently, I realized just how misdirected and disillusioned this desire really is. What I have now learned is that this so called "normal" that I want to maintain is marked by many key characteristics. This "normal" means lukewarm faith, and mediocre devotion. It means conditional "surrender," and a standard for morality that leaves me asking how much I can get away with. It means living a lifestyle that allows me to keep God in the tiny box I want to keep Him in, so that I can maintain control over the areas of MY life that other people might question. That is about 6 of the many lies this desire has led me to fall into. The reality that I have come to accept, the truth I have finally learned, is that "normal" is not good enough. It is not what God wants for me. God is calling me to live a set-apart life. Set-apart from our culture and the lackluster disillusioned facade that it offers as a way of life. What is "normal" does not require me to surrender everything. It does not allow me to trust God. It does not mean placing full confidence in God and in His ability to shape and form my life into a life of His peace and joy. So today marks the end of my attempts to be this so called normal. Welcome to my new commitment to let God mold every aspect of who I am and what I do into the magnificent vision He has for me. Bring on the weirdness!