Grieving

Already January has been a tough month. One my friends from school died on January 2, after being seriously injured in a car accident a few nights before. Her death, while sudden and upsetting, offered me an opportunity to think a lot about death. Naturally, I took the opportunity. When people would ask me how I was, I kept telling them that I was okay. No one really believed me, and I wasn't sure that I even believed myself. But I had this feeling that came from the depths of who I am and what I believe. This feeling just made me so aware of the fact that I knew that Elizabeth was some place so much better, and that it was a place she wanted to be. And deep down, I knew that there was no other place that I wanted her to be, then where she is now. The trouble is, while she is in a wonderful place, I'm still stuck here. This led me to draw the conclusion that grieving is selfish. Not selfish in a bad way, I don't mean to say that grieving is wrong. I mean that we do not greive for the person who died, but rather for ourselves and our loss. I went to all my classes last week, and I got a lot of homework done. Other friends of mine and hers, wondered how I was doing this. I felt bad, because I thought that I wasn't respecting her memory enough. Then I realized that it doesn't matter. She doesn't need me to grieve her, she doesn't need anything anymore, because she has the only thing that she has ever needed. It's all me and what I need. If I didn't to take time off, that's okay. Grieving is something that we do for our sake, not the sake of the one we have lost. Our individual needs are different, and that is why are grieving is also unique. In Loving Memory Elizabeth Eveker May 15, 1988 - January 2, 2005