In Him

I try not to write too often about being single. This is true mostly because, more often than not, I'm complaining about it.  Not tonight. 

Tonight is different. It isn't about loneliness; it's about peace.  Because the truth is, I'm satisfied.

As I sit in my pajamas, winding down at the computer I feel myself grow more and more tired. I watch the clock as each passing minutes equates to fewer minutes I will be able to sleep.  And then, He speaks.

I hear a voice, speaking to the innermost part of my heart, telling me I should go to sleep now.  It's time. I need to rest.  As I'm overwhelmed by peace, I smile in agreement. The gentleness of His beckon reflects the depth of His love. 

I may be single, but I am not alone. He is with me. Loving and caring for every necessity. Calling me closer to Him.

Those other things that I long for are distant. It is He who is near.

And He is all I need.

Daybook

FOR TODAY
January 25, 2009

Outside my window... it is cloudy and cold and the wind is very strong

I am thinking... that this is going to be a long, busy week

I am thankful for... teens who love and miss me and friends to dream with

From the kitchen... I made soup yesterday and I need to go shopping today

I am wearing... jeans, t-shirt, hoodie

I am creating... journal entries and a classroom management plan

I am going... to class

I am reading...Teaching with Love and Logic and Ron's Clark's The Essential 55

I am hoping... that God blesses this week with discipline and peace

I am hearing... Gilmore Girls season 7 from the living room and the wind blowing the banners outside the dorm

Around the apartment... everyone's weekly chores were completed yesterday, clean dishes have been put away, and the dirty ones are already filling the dishwasher...now if I could just get my desk organized

One of my favorite things... having at least one roommate who can't fall asleep either and will spend a few minutes talking with you at 1:00 am.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Lots and lots of sound tech work; observation days on Thursday and Friday; then a visit from a friend (work related but still exciting!)



Visit Peggy for more daybook entries.

The Impact of Every Life

In light of the upcoming anniversary of Roe v. Wade, I've been remembering and reflecting on this post by Elizabeth Foss.

Elizabeth writes beautifully about how a baby changes everything.  The last paragraph of her blog resonates deeply within me.  She talks about how her family paused when her youngest baby was born.  The family embraced its newest member, grateful for what she brought and who she will become.  They allowed the power of her life, her existence, to impact them.  And they changed.  They never went back to life exactly as it was before the baby.  Rather, they allowed themselves to be changed for the better, because they fully encountered the value of human life.

Sarah Anne (the baby referred to in Elizabeth's blog) has been blessed to be born into a family that knows her value. She has a family that understands that her very existence is something so extraordinary, so sacred, that it cannot be ignored or dismissed.  Not only that, but the family also sees that she is a gift meant to change them in such a way that they become holier, more open to God's grace, and more in love with Him.

This is value and power of every single human life.

It is a tragedy that so few children are born into families like Sarah's. It is an even greater tragedy that so few children are ever given the chance to be born.  Truly, their lives too have sacredness and purpose.

The beauty of the Pro-Life movement is that, not only are people working tirelessly to fight for all babies that are currently or will one day be in the womb, but also that we are giving those babies who have been lost the chance to have their impact.

Although their parents and those closest to their lives may never know the changes and goodness God meant for them to bring, we who are fighting in their honor do.  When we stop for a day to march, or for a minute to pray, we are doing for the unborn children what the Foss family did for Sarah Anne. We are allowing their existence to have an impact on us.  Through our actions and prayers, we are begging the world to do the same.

And because of those babies, we are changed. 

Their lives are not in vain. The sacredness God has given them is far too powerful.

The Things We Say

I sneezed.

Daz: Bless you.

Me: I've been sneezing a lot today.

Daz: I know. You've got about two more before I stop saying it.

Who I Want to Be

I have this vision of a person who is so deeply in tune with God, so filled with the Holy Spirit, that her every word is clearly what God has desired to be spoken.

Often, I find myself thinking of discernment and the inclinations of the Spirit only in terms of big decisions. I fail to view them with regard to every moment. The same is true for obedience. I think of being obedient to God when it comes to my vocation or whether I'm tithing enough to the Church, but not when it comes to my daily actions. Of course I do focus on living the reality of the Christian life, which calls me to be mindful of my daily thoughts and actions, but I tend to stop that mindfulness short of vision of the person mentioned above.

My prayer reflection today called my attention to the need for determination. I must be determined to obey God in everything, to be in the constant state of discerning His Spirit, aware of It's inclinations, and committed to carrying them through.  This determination leads to a greater desire to know what God is asking of me.  After all, how can I possibly go through with what God wishes in every moment if I do not know what He does wish?

I often find myself distracted by how frequently I don't seem to hear God.  Perhaps that plays into my tendency to forget the moment-by-moment constancy of obedience. St. Francis de Sales said to "love obeying more than we fear disobeying." 

Thus, my attempt at that vision for a person consumed by obedience to God's will begins with a prayer that asks God to change my heart that I may grow in love for obedience of Him.  I will commit to responding out of that obedience when I know what He wants for me, and I will not worry too much when I am unsure.  I'll always discern, grateful for the times when I do know, trusting Him in the times that I don't.

So Far This Semester

I don't have much time here because I have to leave for class in about 2 minutes, BUT I just got an email from my cooperating teacher, and, in that, I received the ALREADY much needed reminder of how much I'm looking forward to this semester.

It appears that the first three(ish) weeks will involve me going to class, then dinner, then reading until I go to bed.  When I wake up the next morning I will probably be finishing the reading until it is time to leave again. Repeat. Each. And. Every. Day.

BUT - I really do think it is going to be worth it.  I really do think it is going to be worth it.  I really do think.... you get the point.

Woolly Mammoth

I watched something on TV a few nights ago about scientists who are trying to bring back the woolly mammoth.  From what I gathered, they have found that they can use the hair from woolly mammoths to extract and replicate DNA. They are still in the process of seeing if they will be able to piece together all the DNA strands.

Currently, work is also being done in an attempt to save endangered species from extinction. In this process, the DNA from live animals is being cloned. Animals similar to the endangered species are being used as surrogates. Certain DNA from the surrogate's embryo is being removed and replaced with DNA from the endangered species.

The hope is that the same process can be used for the woolly mammoth, with an elephant as the surrogate.

The whole time I was watching this I had a bad feeling about it.  It was one of those pit-of-the-stomach bad feelings that forces you to squirm in your seat.  I think it is a bad idea. A terrible one in fact.

It seems to me like another example of science being so captivated by the fact that it can, that it fails to dwell long enough on whether it should.

I'm not claiming to know that there would terrible consequences for mankind or for the earth if these experiments were successful.  All I'm saying is that this is a prime example of man's determination to dominate and control nature, rather than allowing nature to reveal God.

I'm confident that God has a good reason that the woolly mammoth is extinct.  And I really, really think that man should leave it alone.

The Things We Say (That are sometimes worth saying)

Me: Do you think it is strange to think back and know that there are conversations you had that you will never remember and things you saw and did that you won't remember either?

Kristie: Yea.

Me: Until Judgment day...which could really suck.

Kristie: Well hopefully you will have more good conversations than bad ones.

Me: Talk about motivation to have good conversations...even the seemingly insignificant ones we will never remember.

Random Things

(A.K.A. I have nothing else to blog about, and I'm tired of not blogging)

1.) I now have three African Dwarf Frogs (no picture-sorry!).  Their names are Stop, Drop, and Roll.  Andrew (younger brother) is caring for them while I'm away at school.

2.) I have this not-at-all-solid plan to go to Calcutta June of 2011 to volunteer with the Missionaries of Charity.

3.) I really, really want to be going on the Pro-Life March this year.  Not so much because I want to contribute to the Pro-Life movement in that way - it's more because I want to experience it again with the youth group.  Perhaps when my motivations change, my ability to go will also change.

4.) I'm excited about the world of Benedictine College Ministry Sound for January.  We are making some exciting improvements this semester.  It is also exciting that this is my last semester. (ahem.)

5.) It will be strange not to have Theology classes this semester - especially after a semester of nothing but Theology last time around.  However, I'm quite certain that Student Teaching will successfully occupy all of my time.

6.) I've been thinking a lot about discernment.  I desire to be purposeful and deliberate in my actions, and I think that proper discernment plays into that in a big way.

7.) In the midst of applications, resumes, and a job search that is just beginning, I find myself wondering if I will ever know exactly what God wants for me.

8.) I hate this blog post. Really.

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Still.

From earth's perspective, she and I are talking about and praying through entirely different things. I know not her sorrow and pain. From Heaven though, it becomes clear that our responses need to be the same.  And her response has given me the courage to begin mine.

Never stop caring.  I once read those words as advice for avoiding writer's block.  The idea being that one can always write about that which one cares.  So, as long as a person never stops caring, he will successfully avoid writer's block.

I'm not entirely sure what I care about right now.  It is hard to see past some big, lingering questions.  I have a sense of urgency regarding them; it is as if I only have one semester left to figure out something solid that I know to be true about each - something I can hold on to post-graduation and use as a guidepost for making decisions.

The questions leave me scattered inside.  As the never-ending chaos swarms about within me and I'm left wondering how I will ever clam my insides down. Perhaps the problem is that it is not I who can clam them.