Rules, Rules, Rules!

When it comes to fleeing from sin and building my relationship with God, I tend to create a lot of rules for myself. I love making lists, and I frequently find myself writing down a long list of new ways to be holy. Today, I realized something very important. These lists (while often color-coded, written in my best handwriting, and perfectly organized) are meaningless. To put this into more concrete terms… a lot of times I’ll say something like “I need to make more time for God, so I’m not allowed to leave my room in the morning without saying a prayer, I can’t eat lunch without going to mass, and I can’t even lay down in my bed at night if I haven’t written in my journal.” Another example, if I’m struggling with a certain area of sin in my life, like judging people, I will make rules that say I have to spend at least 20 minutes everyday getting to know someone I have unfairly judged. If I’m struggling with purity, I might make a rule about not watching T.V. after 7:00. The problem I often encounter is that these rules rarely last longer than it takes me to write them on the list, and if I happen to successfully work these rules into my life, I find that aren’t as effective as I had hoped. This is because (once again) I’ve got it all wrong. The thing that is going to keep me from sin, the reason I’m going to choose not to fall into sin has nothing to do with rules that I make for myself. Because these rules lack the key ingredient. These rules don’t allow room for me to passionately love my God. That love, that decision to follow Christ and let HIM decide what I need to change in my life, is the only thing that matters. It is the only thing that will help me grow. All of the rules I like to create for myself are really yet another way for be to avoid actually growing in holiness. They might make me feel good. I can convince myself that as long as I have a list, I’m doing what I can; I’m making an effort. The truth of the matter is this, until I choose to fall desperately in love with Christ, my rules will not even begin to make a tiny dent in solving my everyday struggles. Because when I love God, and when I choose to let that love matter in my life, I end up praying because I want to. I have more strength to avoid sin, because I would rather think about God, and because I want to grow in grace instead. It’s not about how creative I can be with rules; it’s about how dedicated I can be to Christ.