Almost.

I keep coming so close to writing another blog. Really. I do. It just isn't happening. None of the things that I almost write about seem to be right. At this point, I've even logged and started typing in hopes that I'll jump on a topic. Perhaps now just isn't the time. Here are small peeks at some of the things I've been thinking recently.... 1.) My trip to Chicago was hard for me. It seemed like everywhere I looked there were lifeless people. When I paused to look at people, I mean really look at them, life just seemed so hopeless. It was odd for me. Hope is one my favorite virtues, and yet it seemed just out of grasp over my trip. It was strangely paralyzing. Life seemed so futile, so empty. Once again, it was hard for me to trust that God has a great and glorious plan for mankind and that plan involves, by necessity, our time here on earth. 2.) Accountability is hard for me. My battle used to always be with my willingness to speak up. Now, that has become less of an issue, and the new problem lies in the way I deliver the correction. I want to speak with loving kindness. I want to uplift. I want the person I am talking to to walk away filling empowered. So often it seems as though my words do not bear that fruit. Perhaps the person hears what I'm saying, but they hear it in a way (because I say it in a way) that leaves them feeling condemned. This can hardly be called accountability, and it is more accurately described as an exasperation of the problem itself. 3.) Surrender is tough. Not only because of the act itself, but also because of my doubts regarding the effectiveness of the act. I frequently question whether I mean my words. I doubt whether or not I'm actually surrendering. I wise priest once told me that surrender begins with desire. My prayer is that I learn to trust that God's grace makes up the rest of what is lacking in my offering.