First Day of Fall

Take a deep breath. Do you feel that? This is the time of year when the crispness of the air makes it feel good to breathe. Fall has officially begun.

Between the crunch of the leaves, the chill of the wind, the smell of fires burning, the taste of soup and the warmth it brings to my lungs, and the depth and richness of color outside, I could enjoy no season more.

Fall is a time of death. The world outside must slowly die so that it can resurrect again in the life of springtime. This is a season I can identify with.

The magic of it all lies in the beauty of this death. Fall is beautiful. If we let this be an example to us of the human person we will find true beauty in our own dying to self. As we surrender our lives, as we empty ourselves of all that is self-serving and prideful, we encounter the beauty of a life lived in accordance with God's will.

Go ahead. Breathe again. And this time, when you do, make it a conversation with the God of the universe.

The Things We Say

Daz: I know! I'm going to get some of my sherbet and put 7-up in it and have...a...
Melissa: A sherbet float?
Daz: No...what's called...it's something...
Melissa: It's a float. Put Vodka in it if you want to call it something else.
Daz: PUNCH! That's what it's called.

The Things We Say

Today in Theology of the Church Dr. Blosser called on Karmen to answer a question. She didn't know exactly what he was talking about, so her answer wasn't perfect. Later this conversation occured...

Dr. Blosser: Karmen, do again what you did before. Can you do that?

Karmen: What? Not know the answer?

The Things We Say

I'm not sure why it took until today for me to realize this brilliant idea. My friends and I love to laugh. And we find each other (and ourselves) very funny - frequently when no one else sees any humor at all. SO - here's to a new "feature" on my blog, one that will allow you to share in the pleasure of the things we say...

(As we are thoroughly enjoying eating the cookie dough we mixed up without intending to ever bake):

Daz: What are we going to do when we aren't in college anymore.
Me: The same things, just lonelier.

{I have this feeling my apartment may be the only ones who enjoy these posts...)

Today

Today I am grateful that while I frequently abandon God, He never abandons me. Today I am hoping that I figure out a less stressful way to manage my week. Today I am discerning what God wants for me in the present moment. Today in my prayer life I will not neglect personal conversation with God.

Today my friendships will grow because Kristie brought back the missing Alias disc. Today my mind will be fed by my homework.

Today I will celebrate the blessing of a fresh beginning of the week. Today I will be a better daughter because I will hold my family more deeply in my prayers. Today I will be a better student because I will not procrastinate [too much ;) - Alias is back...] Today I will live Catholicism by enjoying St. Paul's letter to the Romans.

Judgment Day

I was home this past weekend and had the opportunity to watch the funeral mass of Ted Kennedy as well as the brief prayer at the Capitol building and bits of the burial. I found myself proud to be Catholic. There was something empowering about seeing three former presidents as well as the current president present at Mass - though I know they are not in full communion with the Church. I felt proud to know something of the power and meaning behind the rituals they witnessed. I was honored to believe with all my heart in the Real Presence of Jesus Christ in the Liturgy they attended. I was pleased to be part of the Body of Christ, the Universal Church, that mourned and prayed with a faithful family.

 I know that Ted was pro-choice, but this did not taint the celebration of his life. There was much focus on his passion for helping people, on his sense of responsibility to them, and on his natural tendency to turn to Our Lady of Perpetual Help in times of great need. We thank God for the good he did fight for in his life. We remember that we do not know the state of his soul upon death; we did not hear his last Confession. And we can celebrate the man that he was knowing that his soul is in God's hands - the judgment is reserved for God alone, which is the only place it ever really was.

Tonight I had the always needed opportunity to reflect on my own entrance into eternity - the day when I will stand before my Lord and He will take me through all of the good that did and all of the evil that I did. The terrifying loneliness of that moment leaves me feeling hollow inside. I have done so little good and so much wrong. There is something deeply unsettling when thinking about souls. Every person that I encounter will one day either be in the eternal bliss of Heaven or the eternal damnation of hell. There is no time for trivialities.

Following my reflections, I had the opportunity to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. I have never prayed that prayer with so much of heart. In that moment of judgment, all we can offer God in defense of ourselves is His mercy.

THE DIVINE MERCY CHAPLET (On Rosary Beads)
Begin with One Our Father, One Hail Mary, and the Apostles Creed

(On the mystery bead) Eternal Father I offer thee the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Your dearly beloved Son our Lord Jesus Christ: in atonement of our sins and those of the whole world.

(On Hail Mary Beads) For the sake of His sorrowful passion: have mercy on us and on the world. (Repeat for each decade)

Close with: Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One: have mercy on us and on the whole world (Three times)

The Virtue of Courage

There is something inspiring about hearing stories of great courage. The courage of others gives courage to those who lack it. This story about Belmont Abbey College is one that is dripping of courage, of conviction, of passion, and of the kind of boldness that trust in God and belief in the Truth of Catholicism cultivates. Sometimes, we must brandish Catholicism like a mighty sword. And if we die by the edge of that sword, we die a martyr's death, having fought for and defended the only thing in this life that is truly worth dying for. That is what the President of Belmont Abbey College understands. That willingness to lay down oneself, to sacrifice the comforts of a prestigious job, to choose to never diminish the dignity of a life lived for something greater is what changes the world. It is what living the Chrisitian life is all about. It demonstrates exactly what Jesus meant when He told us to take up our cross and to follow Him.

Who knows where I actually was.

Today during mass, I found myself sitting down listening to the homily. The sad part is I don't remember standing up and singing the Alleluia, any of the Gospel, or sitting back down again. I know that I was lost in thought, but I'm not convinced that I remained awake that whole time. Although I'm almost certain I was standing...maybe... Pathetic.

An Underestimated Blessing

A few days before I left for school I was thinking and praying about detachment. It seems that as we detach ourselves from the things in the world (good things and bad things) we are more able to recognize them as gifts from God. When we remember that they are gifts and we live accordingly, the glory goes to God and our lives show more clearly the vision He has for them. Although I have been frustrated recently with the fact that my life is not settled (with moving back and forth from school for the past three years and all), I think that it provides me a constant reminder of the gifts in my life. It allows me to miss. And when I miss something, I know, without question, that that thing is a gift. When I'm home, I miss school. When I'm at school, I miss home. All of the moving back and forth and the temporary nature of my decisions helps me to remain detached. I can't get too comfortable. The reality that home and school (more specifically the life I'm able to live in each place) are gifts becomes very apparent. This is a blessing. Because when I know that what I have is a gift from God it is easier for me to listen. When I have concrete knowledge of the fact that I only have limited time to learn the lessons God plans for me to learn, to impact the lives He wants me to impact, and to grow in the ways He wants me to grow, I listen better. I trust more. I pay just a bit more attention to rhythm He sets for my life. That's when God's able to change me.

Are You Leaving In Peace?

That question has been on my heart the last couple of days. As I prepare to go back to school tomorrow morning, I find myself doing major reflecting on my summer. There is a list of things (some big and some insignificant) that I intended to do that I did not.

I never went fishing, never shot a gun, never went horseback riding. The pile of books planned for summer reading is almost the same size it was when summer began. The writing I planned to do is saved in a document that was touched far less frequently than I had hoped. My room is far from the organized vision I had for it.

There is an even longer list of things I did (some big and some insignificant) that I had not planned on doing. Women's Night with the youth group was one of the biggest ways God blessed my summer. A couple random road trips with my family made the bonds of family stronger. Conversations that I never expected to have made the summer nights just a bit sweeter. However, these lists are not really the source of my reflection. My greater concern is whether or not I'm leaving in peace.

Am I at peace with the ways I have chosen to spend my time? Do I have peace in my friendships or are there too many things being left unsaid? Am I at peace with God? Have a nurtured my relationship with Him, or do I need to beg for His forgiveness for all the ways I did not? Do I leave the Parish in peace? Have I served it in the way God has asked me to? Have I build relationships in the way He intended? Is there peace in my home and with my family?

The time that I was physically in my house this summer was minimal. I spent a fair amount of time at work. I spent vast amounts of time doing youth ministry stuff. I had the occasional outing with close friends. There was a time when Pete called needing help with Steubenville stuff and work called needing help on the same day. I chose to help Pete. In that moment, I felt like I had begun making decisions the way I hope to make them for the rest of my life. Youth group was more important to me. And even though the work at the store probably would have been less stressful and I would have been paid, still I knew that youth group was more important. I really believe that it was what God was calling me to make my primary vocation this summer. I'm very much at peace with all of the time I chose to invest in the program.

I've been learning a hard lesson this summer about communication. This is mostly because I'm unhealthily afraid of intimacy and vulnerability. The thought of someone knowing what I'm thinking sends me into a state of paralyzing fear. God continues to place people in my life that challenge this fear, and He frequently rewards me with the peace and freedom of honest communication. This summer was no exception to that. Are there some things being left unsaid? Yes. And probably more than just a few. But I do have peace; it's the kind of peace that comes with knowing that even though I am imperfect God's grace is changing me. I have grown, and I will continue to do so.

Daily mass was far less of a reality in my life than it should have been. While I did frequent the adoration chapel, the source and summit of my faith was neglected. A lot of times it was because of sheer lack of virtue. For this I will make amends with God. Did I choose virtue at every turn? No. Did I follow through with everything His voice prompted me to do? No. Did I learn how to hear Him better? Yes. Do I regret the times I failed to listen? Yes. Do I have peace? Yes. Although it is only because I know that mercy redeems.

This summer I fell in love. The object of my affection? Assumption Parish and the life that is present there. Do I have peace? Yes. However this peace is marked with great anticipation. In many ways as I journey back to college I do so in the hope that I will grow in ways that will allow me to serve the Parish even better.

And my family? That is a bit more complicated. Is there peace? Perhaps. But in many ways my family life is characterized by conflicting values and opinions of what is best. I'm assured only by the fact that I believe God is working. He'll stretch my ability to be a good daughter.

There is deep sadness in my heart as I say my goodbyes and work to pack up my things. I'm temporarily leaving a life that I love in order to pursue a life that I hope I will grow to love. The beautiful thing is that there is an even deeper conviction that what I'm doing is God's will. I know that I could never be the person God created me to be without this last year at Benedictine. I hope that the power of God's grace meets the fertile soil of an open heart - even when my sadness leads to doubt.