What follows was a facebook message response to a personal seeking of advice. All of the personally identifying content has been removed. A few minor additions and removals have also occurred.
I think that God's mercy is one of the toughest aspects of His love for us to understand. At times, it is even more difficult to accept.
The good news is that you and I are blessed to be part of a faith that promises hope, and we are children of a God who never ceases to love and forgive us. The walls that you have described building between you and God hold no power against the merciful and loving will of our Father.
Part of the beauty of our Church lies in the Sacramental life. Go to reconciliation. Seek and receive forgiveness. In forgiveness we find love, and in love (real love) we come to know our true value.
Have hope. All is not lost. God redeems us. Your purity is not merely a thing of the past, it is also the future God is leading you to embrace. Be truly repentant for your wrongs and make amends for your sins, but trust in His mercy as well.
Remember that your suffering is not the end of the story. Peter Kreeft said, "perhaps we are sharing in a suffering we do not understand because we are the objects of a love we cannot understand." As Christians, we are called to believe that God has a loving plan for us that is so great we cannot comprehend it. The challenge for you now is to trust that through what has happened, God is working great things in your life. In his letters, St. Paul talks about the paradox of the cross. God's glory is made most visible in the humiliation of crucifixion. In the same way, God's glory will be made more visible in you as you heal from the past that has hurt you.
God's beauty is within in you. Your honesty and your willingness to embrace His Truth will truly set you free. Although it will take time, through that freedom you will come to love God and those around you in a more perfect, more complete way.
Be willing to change. Have hope. Always have hope.
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